What Is Smartphone Behaviour Teaching Our Children?
Phones are no longer sitting quietly in the background of family life. They are highly addictive devices, designed to hold our attention, and they are impacting the way we connect with the people we love.
For parents, it’s a growing pattern silently damaging the emotional environment at home. Each glance at a screen during a conversation, each scroll during playtime, sends a powerful message to our children: something else is more important than you.
What makes this more concerning is how easily it happens without us noticing. We are not always aware of what our phone use in front of our children is doing to them, or to us. But they are paying attention. They are watching how we manage boredom, how we deal with distractions, and how we choose to spend our time.
This conversation is not only about screen time. It is about the emotional signals our habits are sending, and the way they shape a child's self-worth, confidence, and ability to build real connections.
Why Presence Matters More Than Ever
A 2018 study from the University of Michigan introduced the term technoference to describe how digital interruptions affect parent-child interactions. These interruptions have been linked to increased frustration, restlessness, and reduced emotional regulation in young children.
Further research published in Pediatric Research found that phone use during mealtimes and play led to fewer conversations, less eye contact, and missed emotional cues from children. These are the subtle signals that help build trust and confidence. When they are missed repeatedly, children can feel invisible or overlooked.
What Children Learn From Our Habits
Children do not just hear what we say. They absorb how we live. And our screen habits send strong messages about attention, connection, and self-worth.
- If our attention is often divided, they may feel that they are not important enough to hold it
- If we turn to screens during quiet moments, they learn that boredom must be avoided
- If we react instantly to every notification, they start to believe that external alerts deserve more urgency than real people
- If we scroll through social media during family time, they receive the message that curated online lives deserve more interest than real ones
- If we do not set limits around our own screen use, they may struggle to develop healthy boundaries themselves
These patterns are often unintentional. But they have real influence on how children grow to relate to themselves and others.
Simple Actions to Rebuild Connection at Home
Small changes in our habits can have a powerful effect on how our children feel. Here are practical ways to be more present and reduce digital distraction:
1- Create screen-free zones
Choose areas in your home, such as the dining table or bedrooms, where phones are not used. These spaces allow for focused time and emotional connection.
2- Use built-in phone settings to reduce interruptions
Activate Focus Mode or set app limits during mornings, evenings, or family time. These tools help remove the temptation of background scrolling.
3- Explain your phone use when needed
If you need to use your phone in front of your child, speak it aloud. For example, “I am checking the weather so we know what to wear.” This builds transparency and context.
4- Choose activities that invite shared attention
Instead of checking your phone during downtime, invite your child to help with cooking, drawing, or playing. These moments offer a natural connection without pressure.
5- Place your phone out of reach during family time
Keep your device in another room or a visible basket. Out of sight often means out of mind.
6- Keep a visible house clock to track the time - Having a clear, easy-to-read clock in a shared space helps everyone stay aware of the time without reaching for a phone. This simple change reduces the chance of getting distracted by apps or notifications and keeps the focus on being present.
7- Model calm and stillness
Let your child see you rest, pause, or sit quietly without filling the space. This helps them feel safe in quiet moments and learn how to manage calm.
8- Show them that they matter more than the phone
Look up from your screen, lock it, and say, “I want to hear what you are saying.” These are the small but powerful shifts that stay with them.
9- Involve your child in creating screen rules
Invite them to help choose when phones should be away, such as during meals or bedtime. This builds shared understanding and mutual respect.
10- Reflect honestly without guilt
If you notice you were distracted, name it. “I was on my phone more than I wanted to be today. Tomorrow I will focus more on us.” This teaches accountability in a calm, kind way.
Every decision we make about where we place our attention shapes how our children see themselves and how they understand connection. By making a conscious effort to create screen-free moments and lead with presence, we are giving them something deeply important: the feeling of being valued, seen, and secure. These small daily choices do more than reduce distraction. They help build emotional strength, trust, and lasting connection.
References
McDaniel, B. T., & Radesky, J. S. (2018). Technoference: Parent distraction with technology and associations with child behaviour problems. Pediatric Research, 84(2), 210–218. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41390-018-0052-6
Radesky, J. S., Kistin, C. J., Zuckerman, B., Nitzberg, K., Gross, J., Kaplan-Sanoff, M., Augustyn, M., & Silverstein, M. (2014). Patterns of mobile device use by caregivers and children during meals in fast food restaurants. Pediatrics, 133(4), e843–e849. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2013-3703